"You can't do that!" "Watch me." Breaking free from your outdated mindset
It's really intriguing to pick apart the way our mindsets were formed, and how they tend to restrict our potential if formed by unhealthy, uneducated or abusive sources.
Unfortunately, most people grow up accepting their implied 'rank,' and live a life that is "safe" in a protected pigeonhole. How sad that most people never question their boundaries, and never step up to live to their potential.
It makes me think of the elephant story. An elephant is tethered to a fence by a rope. He doesn't realize that just by taking a step, he would snap it. A beautiful, enormous creature with
the strength to crush a car with a step, he stays helplessly still and immobile because of this string. When he was young growing up by his handlers, he couldn't have broken it, but now that he is full grown, he can quite easily but is conditioned not to even try.
As much as we may love our parents and we may have been taught to respect our elders, it doesn't mean they were right.
Everyone is a product of their environment from birth. On one level, you are fed information and told to believe it. On another level, you're shown by example what is "acceptable." Fear keeps you from challenging any of it - those morals and beliefs you were raised with does not equal all that is healthy and in your (or their) best interest. For the most of it, you didn't object.
But now, times are different.
Parents can't get away with whipping their children anymore. Things are way more out in the open. Social media has everyone 'caught on video' and Google is the new Webster's. Snail mail will eventually be a thing of the past and we will order what we want with a swipe of a finger in the air.
I always thought my parents had all the answers, and I trusted what they told me to be true.
At 17, I entered into what would be a lengthy, toxic relationship. I believed I was flawed, inferior. I lived under mental lock and key for a huge segment of my life. After I left the first time, the thoughts he implanted in my mind grew and haunted me.. that nobody else would believe me, want me, or help me and that everyone was laughing at me. That, with the threat of killing my family if I ever left him again, clearly fear-planted me (and my children) in that toxic environment. I became weak and corroded. I stopped questioning and froze. Too scared to fight or flee.
Finally 8 years ago, thanks to my daughter Jackie, I found courage when I felt 99% defeated. I started life all over again. I was scared to death! But I promised my kids, there was no going back to my abusive ex. I had to move forward for my kids, and for myself. It took some guts, and a LOT of overwhelming feelings of guilt and shame, a lot of tears and grief, but nothing like the life I had lived before.. and I made it! I lived to tell!
After getting out of that abusive marriage, I spoke of launching a not for profit organization to help raise public awareness, and provide a unified voice for all victims of domestic violence.
My Dad told me if I launched a not for profit organization that I wouldn't be able to operate it the way I wanted; that the government would tell me how I needed to run it. But, how did he know this, what was his source or proof? I didn't challenge. For a little while, it did make me hesitant to try.
But it kept gnawing at me. I had to start a movement so that former victims like myself could feel validated, feel like someone else understands, and can connect. I felt this huge responsibility, that not doing anything was remaining silent and passively allowing abusers to abuse and victims to stay victims. I had to do this!
I decided to find out. I consulted several agencies and authorities to learn all about what it takes and what the rules are to launch a nonprofit. Then, the mystery gets phased out and replaced by knowledge. I learned the answers. Love Shouldn't Hurt TV is an independently operated 501(c)3; it does not receive government money that has to be spent a pre-determined way.
It's when you challenge what you were groomed to believe - when you step outside of the walls of your traditions - that you can liberate yourself; break free, and see goals as realistic and possible!
I'd like to share my son's story as posted on his Facebook wall (reprinted with permission):
"Don't change your goals because they seem unattainable, change your mindset.
At 16, told my father "one day I hope to own a corvette" he laughed and said that'll never happen.
At the time I was very poor living paycheck to paycheck. How can I increase my money without having any money? Bought a Saturn car for 500 bucks, made it look nice (about 100 invested) and sold it for 1900. Took the 1900 and bought a ninja motorcycle and put 500 in my pocket. Cleaned up and Traded the... ninja for lifted dodge ram pick up. Sold the truck for 3600. Bought a Hyundai Tiburon for 2200 with body damage and fixed it up again. So at this point I have the Tiburon and about 1800 cash. Even trade the Tiburon for the corvette at 18 years old. Driving a corvette home and profited almost 2 grand along the way.
If you want a goal bad enough, you will find a way or find a excuse.
Also you MUST get negative people out of your life. Blood or not."
My son Josh is the most well-disciplined person I know.
At 15, he started working out. His father scoffed and said, 'You're wasting your time. You're never going to get any bigger."
Josh is a multi award-winning and record-breaking all natural bodybuilder and personal trainer. He has shelves lined up with certificates, medals and trophies of all shapes and sizes. All him. Seriously, no help.
He bought a new motorcycle and has all the toys he wants. Not one dime of it was handed to him.
He became a homeowner at 25.
No college debt to worry about, he lives in the now.
He self-motivates rather than self-medicates.
Josh helps people to live a healthier lifestyle and loves the reward of watching people transform before his eyes, and under his guidance, to become more confidant and proud to work hard for, and achieve, health goals.
Rethink your life: your beliefs, and your level of happiness. Fly out of your pigeonhole. Take a step and break the rope. Explore your world and grow into your potential!
Being happy IS a choice, every minute, every conversation, interaction, and situation of every day, it is 100% in your hands.
Because someone told something to you, does not make it fact. Question. Everything.
Last year, I took back my maiden name, 'Suchan' pronounced 'Sue Can' and so, if Sue can, you can, too! LIVE your life to the fullest while you can! Don't stay stagnant because someone told you that you can't reach your goals!
When you see a road block, you look for a way around, over, under or through it! Or, build your own road!
No more blaming others when things don't go right.
Don't accept being told 'No,' 'You can't' or 'You won't.'
Be true to your heart, no matter what it takes or who is telling you that you can't.
Keep the worst days in the rear view mirror.
Live in the moment, every moment!
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